Traumatic Experiences During the Holidays 10-12-2020
By: Lic. Alejandra Matos Patín Bachelor's degree in Psychology
Festivities are usually times of joy, hope, and time with loved ones. These are dates when we celebrate what we have lived, and we look forward to what is to come. However, this does not mean that life continues at its usual pace during these days, bringing with it experiences that can be particularly painful. During this pandemic, we are making a duel of people we are not going to see and traditions that are interrupted. But there are also people who are experiencing other deeply painful, and even traumatic, situations during these dates. Losses of family members, the diagnosis of a disease, loss of possessions due to climatic catastrophes, not being able to celebrate with the family due to rejection by the family, among other experiences. This experience of pain during the "happiest" time of the year creates mixed emotions and a conflict of what to do to manage them. Here are a few tips to help you navigate this experience.
For difficult experiences:
- Allow yourself to experience your grief. Your pain doesn't have to be in pause because “we're not supposed to feel that way” during Christmas. On the contrary, keeping it can cause sadness or anger to build up and cause you more discomfort.
- Initiate or resume a therapeutic process. Even though many people pause therapy during these dates, the recommendation is that you have a safe space to process your emotions and create strategies that help you manage your thoughts and reactions.
For life-changing diagnoses or accidents:
- Create a small ritual or act that commemorates the person you were before the traumatic experience. That version of you once existed, and many times, the people around us avoid talking about the past so as not to create discomfort. However, this can be an opportunity to celebrate that time you lived, the memories created, the learnings developed and evaluate how you want to continue.
- If you are experiencing a lot of discomfort I recommend, as in the previous segment, that you seek therapeutic support. Therapy is a space where your ups and downs or mixed feelings about your life will not be judged. And it can also be a space where you can implement strategies that help you continue to develop your resilience and your life plan.
For loss of loved ones:
- You can write a letter to that person, telling them that you miss them on these dates and telling them what you want to do to celebrate them and to commemorate their memory.
- Similar to what I wrote in the previous segment, you can do a small act that celebrates the person (either viewing photographs, having a breakfast that he enjoyed, or listening to his favorite song).
- This experience can be done privately or you can share it with people in a safe, physically and emotionally safe way.
- Give yourself permission to live your pain. Your emotions are not a hindrance or a burden, but the natural way in which we process what we have experienced. Allow yourself to feel them in a safe way, and seek support (whether with family, friends, or therapy) while doing so. Allowing you to experience your grief is an act of courage and resilience.
