Communication and forgiveness in the couple 27-08-2019
By: Marjorie Ariza
You've seen couples with many years together, you wonder, and how have they done it? Behind them is a long history of understanding, transformation, commitment, learning, and FORGIVENESS. Good communication in the relationship also requires knowing how to recognize the mistakes we make in an appropriate and timely manner.
For this it is necessary to apologize, ask for forgiveness, make amends for the damage.
A good apology needs:
- Take responsibility by accepting the damage and pain caused or inappropriate behavior.
- Acknowledge the impact by saying and understanding the pain your behavior caused on the other.
- Do not minimize the behavior or impact it caused.
- Do not focus on intent. It doesn't matter that they don't mean to hurt the other person. What matters is accepting that the damage is done.
- Not use the word BUT. When you say “I'm sorry, but…” you're basically canceling the apology. This would be minimizing and justifying, that should be left out.
- Do not let much time pass. The more space is left to repair, the more distance and doubts are created and the more difficult it is to bring the issue to a conclusion.
First of all, it is of the utmost importance the sincerity and vulnerability that you can express and above all that you really feel the pain of the other and recognize it, in addition to giving the space that the other needs to be able to trust again. Also make behavioral changes that are sustainable over time in order to regain lost confidence. What do you think? Are you unable to handle it alone? Let's talk in therapy! Make your appointment here
