The couple at Christmas 10-12-2020
By: Marjorie Ariza | Clinical Psychologist/ Life Coach
Christmas is a very special date for the family and the couple. It is time to give and receive, to be at home or out for a walk, family reunions, solidarity, to be together, to follow rituals or create new ones. So I want to point out that it is an ideal time to give the best gift of love to your partner: intention and action for better communication between you two.
On these dates many conflicts can also occur between the two, related to the additional expenses that are generated by the purchase of gifts or celebration of parties, also with family outings. To the family activities that arise on both sides of the families, which ones to go to, which ones to prioritize and in some cases also adds the tiredness and stress of attending and fulfilling all the activities.
How can we as a couple survive, giving us the best gift, the one that will serve us for life, effective communication
Communication in the relationship is the basis of love, understanding how important it is to talk and strengthening it, it is the way to solve most of the problems in the relationship. In conversation we know each other, we define limits, we clarify doubts, we eliminate concerns, we vent , we dream together, we learn from each other and their way of loving.
In the couple, communication is of the utmost importance since it constitutes the most intimate area of affectivity, a space in which the absence or ineffectiveness gives rise to incorrect interpretations, to not being able to flow in the everyday so that it generates lack of security and confidence of where one is affectively.
In good communication:
- Both tell each other and listen to what they want and need.
- Develop the ability to understand, be assertive and negotiating skills, which are fundamental to reaching agreements.
- When they have different opinions, they are objective and depersonalize, that is, they express what happens and what is wanted without accusing, insulting or reproaching the couple.
What could help improve this dynamic?
- It is vital that the goal of communicating in times of conflict is to resolve and not to harm.
- Remember the best time for you as a couple to talk, that you are both willing, and not tired or sleepy.
- Talk about the topic in question, be concrete, do not make the mistake of going to the past and bringing topics that could relate to what is happening.
- It is also important to understand that what everyone expresses is their perception of the situation, do not assume.
- Speak from perspective of I believe, I feel, I need, I want...
The main challenge of life as a couple is good communication, and by enhancing it we continue to grow and consolidate a healthy bond on an emotional level; so in turn it generates well-being and positive emotions between the two and as a consequence in the family.
If even though they have tried alone they have not been able to understand each other in their communication, a great gift for this Christmas is to start a psychotherapeutic process that allows them to receive the tools and address their case in depth to start flowing in an optimal couple dynamic. Let's talk about it in therapy!
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