Common Questions in Consultation about Sexual Desire and Relationships 17-12-2021
By: Marjorie Ariza
On this occasion I want to share some cases that I see frequently in consultation that could bring light to what is happening with you.
1- What is wrong with me that I do not want it or enjoy it the way he does?
At my office, women arrive who feel dissatisfied, convinced that they have a serious problem. It often happens that they are very complacent women who have not learned about their pleasure, they have not explored it, they think that the only way is the one they currently practice and it turns out that their partner does enjoy it and reaches the climax. And some even if they know how to have a good time by themselves, but not with their partner and this torments them even more.
It is hard for them to get aroused, to feel pleasure and to reach orgasm.
I recommend that you dedicate some time in thinking about what you like, what you prefer, at what time of day you feel more relaxed, rhythms, postures, and also that you know so much, self-exploration. I invite you to think about that and stop focusing only on the pleasure and enjoyment of the other. If you really enjoy it. for sure that your partner will enjoy it, it is one of the comments I make to them in these cases.
It is about pleasing and pleasing yourself, requesting what you want and saying what you do not like, also asking for what your partner wants and likes, but always starting from you and your pleasure.
2- I no longer desire him/her
I tell you that the desire that we can feel is not only based on an ideal body, shapes, weight... what we usually see in movies, magazines, etc. The desire goes beyond that, it is a smile, a gesture, a smell, a movement, a way of moving our hair, among others.
It is built with the way you treat each other during the day, the messages, how you say goodbye and greet, the attentions we provide, the quality time, the conversations, having fun together, feeling important, priority, the signs of affection with and without words. It can last a lifetime, this will depend on the way you look at and treat each other, see beyond the bodies, age and focus on everything mentioned above. I remind them that at each stage of our lives brings change and that it is extremely important to be updated on what I like now, what I prefer, what I no longer want, that I would like to explore.
3- Could it be that the stress in which I live constantly affects my sexual relations?
When consulting I have had different responses to this situation.
Some are not affected at all, they continue as usual, it does not vary.
Others feel them more desire, this way they reduce stress, they even enjoy it more while under stress.
There are those that do get affected, they lose desire and are in the mood for nothing.
And others see their appetite decline, but by taking the necessary time, with love and patience, they manage to connect without problem. It will all depend on the particular case, and on each individual's abilities to manage and reduce stress.
4- Why is he or she always aroused and I am not?
He looks at me, approaches his body next to mine, kisses my neck and already wants to penetrate or to be penetrated. It may be her or the one who arrives to my practice with this question.
It is necessary to do foreplay, preamble, preparation, I'm telling you.
Sex is everything that happens since the beginning of the encounter between the two, massages, games, caresses, kisses, oral sex, mutual and/or individual masturbation... And coitus. Not just this last one.
Before, that intentional and passionate kiss when saying goodbye in the morning, that hot text message, that audio that you send her in the middle of the morning, those words when seeing her(or) in the bathroom or when she is dressing, a rub when they cross in the house, that compliment, that "have a wonderful day", that "I hope you do great on your presentation", all this and more helps us to get aroused and it generates the desire for an intimate meeting later, and sometimes even in the moment.
They keep us eager, and although there may be physical fatigue, the mind is active and can contribute to that "yes".
5- How to awaken the eagerness, the desire in me?
I recommend dedicating yourselves to exploring by reading erotic novels, watching naughty movies, and imagining scenes with your partner, having hot and explicit conversations with your partner, going for a walk to a sex shop together, wearing masks and actively pretending that you are other people, meeting in a bar or restaurant and pretending not to know each other and initiating courtship with each other, among others.
